the day has been cloudy all day today, it feels like fall, and the dusk comes earlier. i rode on 5 freeways thru the fog to teach this morning, and remembered (when they tried to suggest i could teach 50 kids in one class with 30 chairs) that i want to be an educator. we will work it out, and i will try to be gracious and stand my ground at the same time.


i came home exhausted, and realized that i am back to teaching full time. it is very different from how it used to be, the schedule deceptively fluid, but there is a permanence in accepting, choosing again my profession. i've met many new people recently, and i always say now when they ask, "i am a teacher." i say it with emphasis, and sometimes repeat myself, although this is only for my own ears. it feels good to say it, although sometimes unfamiliar, as if i'm still getting used to the idea.

this week, the reality comes in the bone tiredness that only consumes me when i am giving my heart and energy to children. i am bone tired this week, and sniffly from the germs of children and 11:00 bedtimes reminiscent of days of temping. it's a good shift that allows me to look forward and understand myself as a teacher once again. it's been over a year since i quit teaching in lausd and wondered if i would ever teach again. and here i am, and it feels great.


so i slept and watched football and talked on the phone and ate spaghetti and boiled chicken for soup. i'm catching up on laundry at friends' and grateful for the balance of work and rest. it's quiet here and the sun hides behind peach and grey clouds, reminding me of home.