the california poppy, and reflections on change...

i have always been fascinated with transformation. my favorite stories are those that capture someone's transition into something new. a makeovers that lead her to see herself in a whole new way. a shift, and knowing the road that stretches out before. an ending perhaps, and an opening always needed. an elderly man who learned how to read in his eighties.

i love the idea that change is possible, that it's never too late.


i especially love the possibilities that lie within in us. the uncovered pieces of ourselves, the ways we never thought we could be, the moments in our lives that inspire us to try. finding courage where we thought there was only weakness. finding a part that wants to dress up and put on heels on friday night, when we thought we were only exhausted. finding that our future doesn't live in a box, that perhaps there are no boxes after all. the open feeling of dreaming, and the glorious moment when you realize your dream is coming true.

i lived many years with a core belief that i would be stuck forever.


it's not a reality that i see everyday, as much as a hidden knowledge that has lived deep in fibers of my stomach. it's a silent truth, quietly influencing every choice with a bit of poison, holding me back from all that is possible. it's a fear i suppose, born years ago in times i don't remember well.

and yet, it's a mistruth that dissolves more and more. it is in these tangible experiences that i see more clearly, myself, the world. i have another way of knowing, and i move forward.

i finished a ten day cleansing fast today. ten days without solid food. ten days of listening to myself more fully, connecting to what i thought i could not do, learning. again, that i am much stronger than i imagined. ten days of knowing a whole different part of myself, and loving her deeply.

i finish tonight with a sense of great possibility. pride. yes, i can.

i feel cleaned out from the inside. i feel healthy and clear and ready.

i feel, as a friend said recently, like i've been on the train, throwing out the window everything unneccessary. and gloriously free, light, and hopeful.