i hiked up up up, without stopping. i kept thinking i would need to pause in those familiar turns where the view is an excuse to catch my breath. sure and steady though, my legs carried me into the mist, over the city, into the clouds. the higher i got, the more the fog comforted me. cold and soothing somehow. i didn't realize how much i needed a mountain under my feet. to let my shoulders sink with each step, relaxing into moist ground.

i came to this mountain, on this morning when the darkness lingers way beyond sunset, with a question burning in my chest. as i climb i breathe more fully, and i let myself feel the uncertainty below the surface. i can let it all be here. in this big space, the sky is vast and able, absorbing what is too much, and giving back to me at the same time. i am strong and weak all together. i am hoping the spirit can hear me. i am believing in this god.