an attempt to nurture my inner flow.









today in dance class our teacher had us close our eyes and balance. hear our internal rhythms. i felt a circle in my stomach. around and around. blood pumping. heart steady. lungs. my feet through the floor, push into the earth, and my toes tell me we are rotating every day, every year.


my teacher said i am listening.

more and more i feel the working out of my salvation in the dance studio. on my hikes. in the gym sweating with techno. we don't talk about jesus and the body very often. we disconnect i think faith and the miracle of our physical selves. but we say "jesus lives in my heart". lately, i listen for him there, and in my arms and left hip especially, and keep being surprised when i find him inside this body that yes indeed, he did create. i don't understand it at all really. but i know i want to pay attention.


i want to walk legs long under trees after the rain and smell as i breathe.
i want blisters on my feet from new sneakers and so much moving.
i want to put the extra level up for step class and finish without hyperventilating.
i want to rejoice in new muscles.
i want to feed myself.
i want to see my collarbone and do push ups on toes not knees.
i want to feel oppositional forces. top of head and big toe pull apart. fingertip and knee rotate against each other. shoulder and hip stretch wide. i want to lift in the center.

i want to lindy for all four hours.
i want to know weight not pressure.
i want balance on one foot, and feel how to make it last.
i want to hug my knees in the bathtub and feel at peace.
i want to put my right foot back on 6 and turn with confidence.
i want to run with 4 year old energy and sleep completely.
i want to stretch in the mornings with my coffee.
i want to moisturize with thanksgiving for this skin, these muscles.
i want to be strong.

i want to keep trying.