there are days when i feel sick of being a woman. or at least sick of managing all the pressures that come with being female in 2005 america.

today is one of those days. taking care of self. home. work. yard. friends. bills. dreams. car. appearance.

the last one gets me. if we didn't have to try to be beautiful, life would be so much simpler. but we live in los angeles. the land of the cool. the fit. the made up.

at my ten year reunion, one of my beautiful girlfriends told me she would be afraid to come to la to visit. i thought her ridiculous. she's lived in ny, she's in boston now. she's saavy. she wears red pumps with jeans and knows how to accesorize. she's crazy... i thought.

but yesterday i walked through a shopping area where i spend a decent amount of time, and it struck me strongly how much attention the women here place on appearance. clothes. shoes. hair. nails. makeup. body. weight. clothes. bag. shoes.

sheesh.

so much work.

nevermind trying to lead a life well balanced. have a career. love people. love self. believe in jesus. listen to yourself and others. wash your dishes. eat well. read. be informed. laugh. pull weeds.

being "beautiful" could easily be a full time job.

so here's to a different kind of beauty. one that feels allusive to me much of the time. one that requires less effort and more being. one that defines itself in reality, not fantasy. one that presses deep and holds firm. may we see this female in ourselves and our sisters.