it was five years ago this summer that i graduated from college, went out to burger king with friends the night before i left, got food poisoning from the chicken nuggets, spent that night in the bathroom, cancelled my last saturday morning teaching gig and drove to connecticut in the back seat of my parents' car. we stopped at my sister in law's graduation from colgate, where i ate two servings of ice cream with the rare sensation of guiltlessness as it was the first food i had eaten in days. bill cosby spoke at their ceremony and gave everyone hugs, and i almost melted in the hot sun. my brother got married in july, where i almost melted again in my pretty blue dress and french twist, and a day later i drove to michigan with car packed with everything i own save the beloved cases of piano music and american history books left stranded in my bedroom closet. my mother had a back ache and for a moment i panicked at the thought of having to drive into my new life across deserts alone. she lay still for hours in the wood paneled room of my grandmothers' cottage on the lake and recovered sufficiently to sit for 7 days in the passenger seat as i drove in anxious anticipation to the opposite ocean.

i was burdened for justice, drawn to the city, determined to succeed, anxious to learn. hungry for community, for diversity, for as my friend christy says "for room for me." and i tried so hard to make sure there would be room.

in an honest moment now, five years later, i can see the ways that my longing to be a part of resurrection in the city was a reflection of my longing for jesus to pour healing into my deep broken person. and as he does that now, i see heaven open up and it is indeed a place on earth. how does the song go? oooh baby did you know it that's why, oooohhh heaven is a place on earth.