concert is over! it went really well... kids were fun and i was able to relax and dance and sing with them. it took a lot out of me though... after grade 5 i was about ready to weep with exhuastion.

tensions between kathy and i escalate, and the other women are upset with her as well... there seems to be group consensus that she picks on me, talks down to me, expects me to act differently. i can't seem to do anything to please her... but that's ok, i'm definately through trying. i don't understand her.


masego, kele, tato, kaketso and i took a picture. i felt like they were my family, coming to support me, standing in the back cheering for me, hugging me at the end. i got lots of love notes too, and thank you's from beautiful children. even some of the older ones that i don't teach wanted a hug and wished me all the best in america.

the hall was full of green and white jerseys. the children wandering around, buying ice cream and chips from the teachers in the pack. many parents coudn't make it cause of work, but still it felt like a celebration. they surprised us with some traditional music at the end... the older girls and boys in basically their underwear, girls with bras and grass like skirts, boys in boxers. zulu dancing i think it was mostly. lerato was shy becuase she is a big girl and the crowd gave her snickers... mapule and the other girls danced like they were 21. the boys were rhythmic with their feet and small in their chest, reminding me of their youngness. got some good pictures. they sang for me one more time the song that means i opened the door and you came in. there is nothing like 600 kids singing for you, smiling, dancing becuase they know this one is my favorite. i'm glad i didn't have any energy to be upset, becuase tears would have been hard to control, to stop. i was in teacher mode and successfully avoided having to speak at the end. this would have pushed me over for sure.



we go tonight to a spoornet choir to learn some more traditional music. after that i will sleep sleep sleep.

mariah thank you for the pictures of abigail. i cannot believe how big she is already. she looks like me with mariah ears. so cute. i wish i could have been there to celebrate her baptism with you... know that you are in my thoughts.

how am i feeling, you want to know? i am ambigous. (jamaal... ) time is funny now, i both want it to pass, and want to treasure each last moment. the plane ride will be full of many thoughts.


reflections on children with aids...

there are some children with sores on their heads. they come to school with vaseline, medicine on them and worry they have aids, though i'm not sure.

the girl who lost her mother. maybe she died of aids. but no one knows for sure. no one is talking openly.

when they had the assembly, they asked the kids if they knew where to find condoms for free. yes. the whole school knows.

i suspect many have lost parents.

i wonder how many have aids themselves.

occasionally i see the older students at st bonnies wearing the aids pin on their uniform tie.

they all know the prayer for aids from the catholic church.

there are posters on the streets. abstain. be faithful. condomise. a b c.

the kids have bags with aids education symbols on them. maybe they are given out at assemblies?

i don't know rudy, if that is helpful. much is hard to know becuase people are not talking openly. this assembly focused on the isolation of those with aids, the rejection from their families, being kicked out of their parents' house. how can a country with such a high population of people with aids be so unready to talk and be honest about their condition?

my cold is in between my sinsuses and my chest. i am both blowing and coughing up yucky stuff, and hope it will go away and not turn into a bad infection. thankfully it is not windy anymore, so the dust is better.

this morning i lay in bed listening to the birds. it feels like spring here now, days are warmer and warmer, nights too. don't need the heater anymore, and when i go outside to pee during the night, i don't run.

i hope all is well. mom and dad i can't wait to see the house.