a moment in berlin.

















it rained almost every afternoon in germany. i love this. cold in the summer and clouds filling the sky with shape and emotion. i love gathering under awnings with strangers, and watching hearty germans continue on bikes, the way they know this too will pass.

it was one of the final days, when i peeled myself out of a delicious nap to contemplate the shades of grey and white outside of the fourth story window. they loomed over the park, the church roof, threatening to rain on my desire to wander and take photos one more time. i knew where i wanted to go. the train station in the east side that caught my eye each time the overground passed. a maze of tracks and old beat up buildings, this view piqued a curiosity in me. i would sit up straight on the train, awakened by a history i could feel in the old brick, graffiti, backsides of alleys and pieces of the wall that still remained. the east.

i felt raw and tired on this day, after two weeks in the beauty and sadness of berlin. i also felt the time closing, and craved a last chance to fully be here in this place that drew me from across many miles.

i walked up and over the central canal of the city, following the train tracks with tired, blistered feet. through construction zones and around old apartment buildings. i walked in the direction the bikers came from, hoping for the station i remembered.



there is something in the air on this afternoon. the clouds are entrancing, shifting in big waves of grey. they agree with this emotion i am feeling. a heavy weariness. i imagine the isolation and fear of these streets just 20 years ago. sadness seeps up through the brick and overgrown grass. it moves over the sky in the shapes of these tiny droplets gathered in white pillows. blocking the sun. people walk under passages, follow strangers on well worn paths.



i walk up old steps to the tracks above. this is a central station, and it is full of people, returning home. i take photos. try not to look conspicuous. a man follows me around the platform. i feel uneasy, emotional. i'm sure he is a predator, and my guard is up. he's staring at my camera. i lean against a wall, out of the way of the foot traffic, but in the center of things. he walks to me, motions to my camera, and i feel afraid. he says, then, in german, "those clouds are so beautiful for your picture." i nod and smile into his soft eyes. i say only thank you, and let him walk away. a wow breathes into my chest and my throat tightens with emotion. he disappears as my eyes close and i lean my body against the wall behind me. begin to cry as the train pulls away. his kindness is too much. i thought he wanted to hurt me, and i marvel at how things are not always as they seem.