berlin is all i hoped it would be.  it´s new york with a history i can feel, and only begin to
understand with american eyes. it´s germany at what i imagine to be its most free and colorful
and black at the same time.  it´s children on urban playgrounds and grass growing wild in the
city.  it´s old buildings with remnants of so many bombs, and modern clean lines right next door.
it´s canals and bridges and trees and bikes.  women with babies strapped on and blond hair flying
in the wind.  friendly people and rude people and lots of graffiti.

the fashion feels refreshingly bold and open, and as if i could pull out my legwarmers from
junior high, or my mom´s old 70´s tunic, and all is ok.  women with short hair cuts and ankle
boots.  tall men with scarves and leather.  i love the edginess, the pushing on something,
against something we cannot see.  there is art everywhere, and teenagers dressed in goth.
young girls in striped tights and skirts play in the street and seem happier somehow.
they greet each other with so much joy and eat ice cream on the corner. there are swings and
slides in secret places, hidden between tall buildings, and did i mention the green grass?

the weather is cold now.  windy, with beautiful clouds and alternating rain and sun throughout
these last days. i slept soundly through the wind last night, barely aware that i´m in a far away
place.  i feel both a foreigner and comfortable here.  i feel refreshed by the city culture, the
turkish food and bread from real bakeries.  i love coffee in the metro, and walking everywhere.
i stand in places i cannot grasp, at the wall, in places hitler walked. i try to imagine all of
this history here, and am silent with awe.  i wish so many buildings were not destroyed.

it is good to rely on the hospitality and kindness of others. i am so grateful for the flat with
tall ceilings where i sleep, for the women who forgives my poor german as i order from her small
shop near the metro.  i´m grateful to sit with a new friend at a cafe.  grateful.

i want to speak german well, and i don´t know why.  people ask me why i´m studying, and i still
have to admit that i have no idea. keine annung. and this is part of the fun, the adventure of it all.
i can see a life here, and yet this is so uncertain in many ways.  i can feel the challenge
excites me.  and a sense that i´m simply trying.

and perhaps i just want to be different.  and perhaps i just want to belong.  and these are
things to practice as i keep on walking the path.

danke.  danke schon.