i am weary today. of what i'm unsure. i'm bitchy and i don't make sense. can't keep a train of thought going for more than a few minutes of conversation and when i cross the street and 16 year olds with mustangs almost run me over, i give them the finger.

conxi's room is empty now. at the last minute, she will go up north with a friend before she returns to spain. i'll see her again, but emotion flows now as i remember six months living with her strong and good soul.

i'm crying now for many things lost that all pile together. thankful for the clarity and love that ends this season of dear friendship. wishing that for every relationship that changes and finishes a season, there could be a trip to the airport to say goodbye. a moment that marks the new. a standing in the stillness and echo of a space with no furniture. in that silence the sounds of memory flow. conxi and i laughing while we record hours of music on a microphone held on the broom stand. now leslie and i talking on the kitchen floor. jeanette sitting with me while i can't breathe.

thank you to women in my life. to selena for honesty and for initiating. to angela for spontaneity. to paula for trash talk. to jen for strength and weakness. to tami for phone calls that could go on forever.

it is good to know sadness and loss, to carry them close to me. and the mystery of this joy continues.