there is a new smell outside. a spring sweet flower smell i don't remember from seasons past in cali. the wildflowers are here already too, though today the air feels like winter. not of snow and frozen water, but of chilly fingers and no flip flops.


this winter feels different to me this year. more like winter, short days and rain and staying inside. a hibernation of self in more ways than one maybe. and being hungry all the time. especially for home cooked hot things. potatoes. soup. BEEF. and chocolate.


i had been feeling guilty about eating more than "my share" lately. like yesterday when i had eggs and english muffin for breakfast, fruit and cottage cheese for snack, chicken salad for lunch, pasta for dinner. and then, a hamburger at 11:30 after the movie. devoured it.



so today i told someone at church i feel bad, like i should be eating less cause it's winter and the time for hibernation and sleeping more, consuming less.


and she looked at me with conviction and a pat on my arm and with her face too close to mine.... BUT YOU ARE NOT A BEAR.


and i feel a little better.