Wednesday, January 26, 2005

i love mornings. slept beyond the sounds of my roommate getting ready, with awareness of clouds and rain outside. as if there was enough love for all of me.


these are new sensations.


i remember years of my life were spent experiencing occasional and persistent waves of intense and confusing emotion. reaching out to family in friends in these overwhelming moments, it felt like the world was falling down on me, so heavy, so much internal pressure. in this release, as someone on the other end of the phone listened to my desperation, i would always try to breathe new life, as if i was looking hard for jesus, hoping he could enter down through my windpipe and bring ease and freedom into my lungs. and i could never breathe deep enough.


my dad used to listen to me carefully. quiet. indulging me. and then he would say gently, "it's going to be ok bec."


i would try hard to take this in, absorb it. and in that dark place, i could only imagine what it would really be like to know a different reality.


today, this morning with coffee and a new roommate and a "relationship" ended and new ones beginning... with a new patio and music that i sing to... with parents whose love is opening to me and friends who laugh...


with this new sense of self, in this moment, i can know that everything is ok.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

thanks. it's always encouraging to know people are reading.