Wednesday, August 25, 2004

the weather has been cool here, very cool for august, and i feel a strange nostalgia of fall in the air, especially in the cloudy mornings.

i finish my temporary office job this week, and go back to teaching again, although it looks so different than it has in the past.

this is a rough sketch of my weekly schedule...

  • sat... lausd gifted and talented performing arts conservatory
  • sun... youth choir at st mary's church
  • mon... afternoon piano?
  • tues... morning at madison elementary (outreach of pasadena conservatory) and afternoon/evening piano
  • wed... morning at madison, afternoon piano
  • thur... morning at st mary's outreach, afternoon at beth hillel jewish day school
  • fri... day off!

it is a strange way to make a living, although i suppose most musicians are used to piecing together their own schedule like this. for me, it's new and exciting. i've been able to choose carefully what is a good fit for my own teaching needs, and each of these little jobs will be satisfying in a different way.

at my second choir interview on sunday, the kids were the final say. a small group of mixed ages, they are close like family, and had lists of questions for me. are we allowed to sing songs in different languages? what will be your plan for us? do you have any pet peeves? are we allowed to talk in rehearsal? it was great to see a group of children take ownership for their own experience, their own education. they are invested and excited and it is significant that this small congregation finds the money to pay two trained musicians to continue the tradition of beauty in their worship. i love the energy of children learning, and when they said to each other... "well, we can ask her all the questions we want to, but until we actually sing with her, we don't know if she's any good...." i knew this was the right place.

my roommate told me i was "brave" for teaching at a jewish school. i suppose because it is out of my religious tradition. but what i really feel is warmth about the welcome i've gotten already from this tiny community. there are photos of children singing everywhere, sometimes with candles and sacred faces, sometimes with hawaiian shirts and sunglasses. this is a place of celebration and worship, and the principal keeps saying, "i'm so excited you'll be with us. i just have to have my music!"

i had my first piano lesson last night, first lesson as a student since i studied in college. i found a teacher at a small non profit conservatory in silver lake and last night, sitting in a tiny tiny room painted dark green, i felt my teacher listen as her torso connected to each phrase, and my fingers came alive again. we went over time, so much to talk about and excitement bubbling over. a small dark eyed boy peeked in the door persistently waiting for his turn, and i was glad to be studying at a place where i at 28 can play bach english suites and he at 7 can play lightly row in the same spirit of creativity and eagerness to learn.

so i am chewing on many new thoughts about being a teacher and being a music maker. i'm so grateful to have work, and after several years of burnout, it feels great to have places where i am appreciated and can teach in a way that is satisfying. at the same time, the "me" as student, learner, the one who is not quite there yet, she is present with me strongly. and as i connect to that part of me who is young and has no answers, i am ready to teach from that place. and i imagine it will be so much more fun.

No comments: