yesterday friends fed me chinese dumplings and hot coffee when it felt that my world may fall apart. they left for the afternoon and i spent a good five hours resting in the shaded breezy comfort of their home... the sounds of children playing filtered through green leaves rustling and made my sleep sweet like pancakes on sunday morning. the truth is i need more rest. deep rest that sinks deeply into my tired legs and lets me dream of things mysterious and beyond, rest that lets me laugh with abandon and imagine the future, rest that lets my insides settle and simply be.

i go home this friday, and although there is a list of things to finish before i leave, i will try to sink into this time. sink as i water new seeds in the grass, bundle lemon and nectarine branches for the city, interview for jobs, pack, and connect with a few people important to me.

and so i feel more and more the neccesity of living life in balance, experiencing deep pain and then dancing for hours on the asian techno game at the arcade. taking out the trash and buying a new skirt. hearing in my gut the heartbreak of women i love, and knowing they will be ok. eating healthy chicken soup and eating chocolate with strawberries. teaching children to sing, and blasting my radio like a teenager.

henri nouwen said that life is lived between poles. it feels true, this swinging between and amidst the pulls of the spiritual world in and around us. and for today Lord, may i be content to swing, enjoying my dangling feet suspended, brushing the playground sand occasionally, the weight of my body shifting forward and back, and my hair catching wind.