did you catch that? i just created my first link! my computer literate friends may laugh, but i'm having that slightly euphoric and powerful feeling. "empowerment" is something i used to think of only in terms of "ccda" endorsed urban youth work... a very sincere, important yet "other" centered attempt to be part of kingdom work by investing, supporting, loving others into their futures. the last year, however, for me has been an investment in my own empowerment. it's been scary and difficult to realize the areas of my life and heart that have not yet been fully released into action, motion forward, life giving power. this is crucial though, the awareness of my true self, all of it's pieces, empowered and not quite. and so when i talk to my brother about home improvement, my brother who builds sleigh beds from scratch and installs windows and renovates kitchens... his words break something in me.

"You think I know what I'm doing?" he says, laughing. "I just read the books as I go..."

huh. my familiar sense of self as female, limited, and overwhelmed when it comes to home ownership begins to dissolve a bit with this new revelation. if i think back, i remember him poring over books about bending wood during the weeks before he married mariah. i remember his frustration about venting his down draft oven under the tile floor. i remember that he is young and intelligent and not so much highly skilled as he is highly driven by a raw and hungry commitment to provide for his family.

and he teases me, saying "You CAN work on the yard and paint your bathroom. It's not like the weather is bad. (He lives in Boston.) It's not like you don't have time. (I was in between temp jobs.)

yes. i CAN.

and i also know the road to empowerment requires patience and help from others. so i call my parents and ask. and tommorow they come all the way from connecticut to love me, bringing help with sprinklers and advise on native plants. and in this metaphor called "The work project in my front yard" i can see my empowerment coming like the green grass.