found my role of film. that was a joyous moment as i feel i cannot replace those times where the camera is in your hand and there is something priceless happening in front of you, such as an elephant scratching a tree. camera still broken, its not the battery dad i checked. i banged it against the chair at this concert we were at, and it didn't work after that. it's making a rattling noise when i shake it. not good.

it's cloudy today, unusual here. the winds have died down and left the cold, but this i prefer as i came home on monday and washed layers of red dust from my body.

i have used one travel container of shampoo, half a bar of soap, and all the lotion i brought plus a few containers.

i have not shaved my legs since i left. sorry if that grosses anyone out, but realize most of the world's women live this way and are still beautiful. it's quite convenient actually, i have come to appreciate water... especially hot water.

i have started to pack and find with alarm that i take one suitcase plus with all the things i bought for me and you. and it's the larger of the two suitcases. i think i will be able to fit everything else... i will give away some clothes and teaching supplies. not as much as i thought though. i figure it's silly to give away everything and then be stressed becuase i have nothing to wear.

i realized when packing that this is a sign i am getting emotionally ready to go. this is healthy i think, although i am wary of closing off already with less than two weeks to go. much time to still grow and get to know people.

i think i am quite a selfish person. my sin has been more obvious to me as i relate to kathy and a few of the other women. they cannot do much to please me... so critical i can be. my way is not always the best way... but i don't think i really believe that. ok, at least, their way is where they are right now... and i must respect that. hmmm.

finish up quickly with the heat over there, i am ready to be cool when i come back.

i used kathy's video camera with my classes and in the school yesterday. she promises to copy it onto a tape with my concert. i hope she comes through, becuase there are some great moments with the kids... teachers and other staff. i felt more relaxed than i have in the past with the camera... and tried to get the personality of the kids and the culture a bit to show to you.

pray for me in terms of having peace with kathy and the way she runs the program. i think i have come to believe that she could do more personally and with the program to create lasting relationships and a more "deep" experience... something i know i believe in strongly... and so i have come to expect that she value the same thing. spending time with people in their homes and in the township has become the thing i will not budge on... and when i feel the limits of the program prohibiting me from doing that, i get upset with her. this is the arrogance which will eat at me though... i came knowing there would be much music... that's the focus, not relationships... but i struggle with a bad attitude, feeling like i should be able to skip one thing to do what i want to.

this morning i felt very not christian and am challenged to become humble and realize not everything is about me. one of the other women says, once you realize something, then it becomes your choice whether to let it go or chew and be bitter. i am chewing and am sheepish. anyway... pray for me in terms of that.

today as i taught 5th grade and some other kids played soccer on the bit of brown grass on campus, i felt like it was fall in new england... the wind blowing just a little bit of cold air through an open window. the seasons are powerful and i was comforted remembering the feeling of crisp fall and coming in from the cold to a warm kitchen. thanks mom and dad for so much love.

if your name is... matt, mariah, jamaal, merideth, aunt carole, sarah frick, sergio, grandma v, i would love to hear from you today.