feeling a bit emotional about things changing in the other half of the world... parents moving, abigail growing, and grandma just emailed me that she will be moving too... i know that the community i love also is being transformed as i am away and i look forward to returning with some fear and longing.

change is hard, esp when it disrupts this feeling of rootedness i have in family. i cherish the presence of grandparents who have loved me through many years, and who have been such a stable force in my life... constant.

grandma wrote that she too is still journeying too, and at 82 i guess you still take each step carefully. thank you for living your life in service of our great God. grandma you have been an example to me of his love for others, that they might know him more fully in this "short life", that they might not waste any piece of this journey, not knowing the love that sustains all and hems us in, behind and before. i am praying in questions these days... Lord what is next? why this trip? why right now? how do i hold this experience carefully, delicately, with respect and awe for who you are and how you knit us together and then continue to transform through calls such as this one? what is the next call? i look at my life differently now... and feel the world has grown before me, the possibilities numerous and a bit overwhelming.


and little abigail, i'm sorry to be so far, not to be able to hold you on the day of your dedication. may you be safe in the arms of his provision.



we had a busy weekend... we left at 6 am to drive to de aar to do a workshop for music teachers there... it was pouring when we woke up, the first rain in kimberley... and the thunder and puddles accompanyed us as we loaded 3 keyboards and music and boxed of material into the combi. it was surreal... driving three hours in the bush as rain pelted the windows and fogged them completely. we curled up against each other and slept... stopping for fruit juice and meat pies once and continuing on to get lost in de aar before finding the africaans primary school full of cranky teachers who had been waiting for hours. i led a workshop on staff notation... we each did four sessions with a lunch break in between. it was fun to teach teachers, although we did not even scratch the surface in less than an hour... they are amazing musicians, but as kathy said, they never thought black people were smart enough to learn western notation.

i continue to have sinus headaches and lost it at lunch time, found a spot of shelter in the cool air and cried for no reason except that i was tired and exhasted and not sure where to draw strength from. but it's amazing how you can go on, and after more drugs and a hot cup of tea from kathy, i felt better and went on to do more sessions with lovely people.

the drive home was somehow comforting. i took the back seat and let myself drift into another world with my walkman and my blanket tight around me. i felt like i used to when mom and dad drove on long car trips and talked quietly up front while i slept with matt in the back. i came back to the brothers to nothing in the fridge and wept again as i ate a cheese sandwich with stale bread and moldy cheese. some moments you just need mom. i slept well though, 12 hours... and woke up in better spirits.


sunday was the much awaited choral competition in kimberley, the event we have been helping choirs to prepare for for the last five weeks. it was quite fun... held in a large theater, kathy describes it as a sporting event... pretty close. we were fine to bring our snacks and settle in... i found some teachers from my school and relaxed in stadium seating listening to the choirs sing one western, one african piece. the audience is ENTHUSIASTIC as they listen, cheer on the more popular groups by standing and singing traditional songs to welcome them onto the stage. and when they sing, they always dance. at times i wondered who was doing more singing, the choirs or the audience.

fatima choir came in third place, and tulane the township hottie was clearly upset. i think he imagines his choir is the best and they misjudged, but they were definately out sung.

we left the theater after 3 and went to eat. it is nice to spend time with the teachers sometimes... we laughed hard at fresh jokes and made friends with the waiter at the resteraunt.


school is going to finish quickly... today there was an aids assembly. the kids stood quietly for about an hour outside as a drama group sang, danced performed. it was a reality check... the students performing all live in an orphanage for children with aids. they told their stories... been disowned by family many, or lost their parents to aids. some born with aids, some through sex, drugs, some raped. keep in mind my school is a primary school, and even the grade ones stood and listened to words about condoms and abstaining. the teachers talked to me after... this is reality now in south africa they say... the kids must understand.

my concert is friday... rehearsal during the day on thursday. my teaching is almost done then, just reviewing for the concert. it will be fun to meet parents and show off what we've done. from what i hear it will be even more crazy than the christmas concerts at langdon.

love love love. i'm asking for prayer as i come down from all this... it's been emotional. that's ok i guess... but i want to let God guide my emotion and lead me to places of peace.